Delmar’s Story: Hope, Family and the Search for a Kidney Donor
Delmar Phanenhour has spent most of his life in the same small community where he grew up. Raised on a farm near Palmer Rapids, Ontario, his early years were filled with the rhythms of country life: caring for cattle, cutting hay in the summer and taking the long bus ride to school.
Today, at 65, some of the things that matter most to Delmar are much simpler. His wife of more than four decades. His three children. His seven grandchildren. Trips with family. Playing catch, football and soccer with the grandkids. Games of tag and hide-and-seek, especially when Grandpa gets the chance to scare them.
These are the ordinary moments that make up a life. And they are the moments Delmar is fighting to keep.
Four Generations of Kidney Disease
Kidney disease has been part of Delmar’s family for generations. Delmar was diagnosed at just 21 years old, and he is the fourth generation of his family affected by the disease.
His grandfather died at 49 from what the family believes was kidney disease, although he was never formally diagnosed. Three of Delmar’s aunts had the disease, and his mother spent 11 years on dialysis. Delmar says he has no first cousins left. They have passed away following kidney disease or transplants. Even a second cousin recently received a kidney transplant.
Delmar knew from a young age what kidney disease could mean. He remembers one of his aunts travelling all the way to Ottawa for dialysis because treatment wasn’t available closer to home. Three times a week, year-round, she made the trip through whatever Canadian weather came with it.
Still, when Delmar received his own diagnosis at 21, the reality of what might eventually happen seemed far away. For decades, his condition remained relatively stable. Then, over the last few years, things began to change.
Living With 13% Kidney Function
Today, Delmar’s kidney function is approximately 13%. For now, he has been able to avoid dialysis. His doctors continue to monitor him closely, watching his kidney function and how he feels.
But “stable” doesn’t mean that life is normal. Delmar gets exhausted every day. Afternoon naps lasting an hour or two have become part of his routine, even though he can still sleep through the night.
He now understands something he couldn’t fully appreciate when his mother was going through dialysis.
“I used to phone my mom when she was off in between dialysis… ‘What are you doing, Mom?’ ‘Oh, I was just sleeping.’ Why are you sleeping? It’s like, now I know why.”
Kidney disease takes energy from the body simply to keep functioning. It also affects everyday choices most people barely think about. Delmar has to carefully watch his diet and potassium intake. Foods he once enjoyed, from bananas to French fries and potatoes, now come with consequences.
Although Delmar is grateful that he hasn’t had to begin dialysis yet, he knows what that life looks like. He’s watched people he loves live it. That’s why finding a living kidney donor is so important.
For Delmar, finding a living kidney donor could mean avoiding dialysis and getting back the energy and freedom to enjoy more of the life he loves. If you would like to explore becoming a living donor for Delmar, the first step is simply learning more.
To inquire about the living donor screening process, contact the transplant team at 613-738-8400 ext. 82719.
“A kidney machine will keep you alive. But a kidney transplant will let you live.”
What Does “Living” Look Like to Delmar?
It looks like more time with his family. More Christmases in a house filled with children and grandchildren. More games of catch. More years of marriage. More opportunities to travel with his wife.
Delmar loves seeing different parts of Canada. He and his wife recently travelled out West to Alberta to reconnect with an old friend and explore the mountains. They’ve also travelled east through Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island.
He wants more of that. More memories.
Kidney disease has already changed the course of his life. As his health declined, Delmar made the decision to retire early rather than continue pushing his body until he could no longer manage it. A transplant would mean something different. It would mean freedom.
“It’ll be life-saving, life-changing. It’ll be a miracle.”
The Emotional Side of Waiting
There is another part of Delmar’s journey that isn’t as easy to see: the waiting.
Delmar has previously had potential donors come forward, only for the process to end before a transplant could happen. Twice.
The emotional impact of getting your hopes up, only to have those hopes disappear, is difficult to describe.
“It plays with your mind. It’s like, will this ever happen?”
Doctors can reassure him that his condition is stable and that a kidney will come, but Delmar is the one living inside the body that is fighting every day.
“I’m the one fighting to stay alive.”
And Delmar knows he isn’t the only one. There are many people in search of a donor. Many families are hoping someone will come forward for their loved ones. Many people are trying to stay healthy long enough to receive the transplant that could change their lives.
To the Person Who Might Be Reading This
Delmar has spoken with people who have already become living kidney donors. What struck him was what they told him afterward: they felt amazing, and if they had another kidney to give, they would do it again.
He knows deciding to become a living donor is an enormous and deeply personal decision. But he hopes someone reading about his story might be willing to learn more.
“Take it in your heart to consider donating because there’s more than just me in the world that need a kidney.”
And to the people who will come forward, whether for Delmar or someone else waiting, he already has something he wants to say.
Thank you for considering it. Thank you for going through the process. Thank you for being willing to save another person’s life.
For Delmar, that gift would mean the chance to keep doing all of the things that sound ordinary until you’re faced with the possibility of losing them: enjoying his grandchildren, travelling with his wife, celebrating more anniversaries after 43 years of marriage, and simply having more time.
“I know it’s hard to give up something that’s in your body, but think of it as saving someone else’s life to continue on.”
Then Delmar adds:
“Just thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
Your Story Could Change a Life
The Live, Love & Prosper Foundation believes in the power of sharing stories like Delmar’s because somewhere, there may be someone who hears his story and decides to learn more. Someone who realizes that living kidney donation is possible. Someone who chooses to begin the donor screening process. Someone who gives Delmar, or another person waiting for a transplant, the opportunity to truly live.
Delmar is looking forward to the day when his story becomes the story of a life-changing transplant.
Want to Learn More About Helping Delmar?
If Delmar’s story has touched you and you would like to explore the possibility of becoming a living kidney donor, you can contact the transplant team at 613-738-8400 ext. 82719 to learn more about the screening process.
